I don't get it.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him