Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
19 Movie Extras Reveal What It’s Like To Work With Celebrities
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.