I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?