Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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