u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
