Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
