discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
