She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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