I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
