Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
