Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
