$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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