Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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