you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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