I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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