You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
