Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
