I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
