I am puke
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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