someone get that fucking seahorse.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
