brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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