Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
