We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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