we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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