im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
