the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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