Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
