No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
