You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You ruined the universe
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
