My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
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