homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
