Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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