you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
