exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Randomize
