I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
