we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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