I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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