What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
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If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
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Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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