hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
What drink are we having for lunch?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
