addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
