Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Randomize
