My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
