I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
