her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
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She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
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Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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