In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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