You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
