i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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