I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
