Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
