WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
