wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Holy shit dude........stairs
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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