I cockslap morals
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
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