I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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