Don't you send me to vm
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize