so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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