He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
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I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
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I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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