I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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