Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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