Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
its liver damage thursday
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
