I don't usually arrange sex via text message
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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