how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
