escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
