Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
