Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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