You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
