i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
